On 17/10/2019 17:32, Julia Freeman wrote:

Julie, at no time did I say it is not happening. I just said that I am clueless about it since I didn't see it or hear about it.

Now that you have come forward as well as Jordi, hopefully people will be kinder and more importantly, if you see such behavior being imposed on someone else, and you are a bystander, then you should say something - not only the victim.

-Hank

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On Thu, Oct 17, 2019 at 04:10:47PM +0200, Amanda Gowland wrote:

On 17/10/2019 16:08, Hank Nussbacher wrote:

On 17/10/2019 17:00, Leslie wrote:

Indeed.  I am clueless since I haven't seen a single incident
message among the various mailing lists.  I would expect that RIPE
should name and shame those harassing people at meetings.    I am
truly speechless that this goes on in 2019.

I, too, am speechless.

What always amazes me with these things, whether it's at a ripe level, or
as we've seen wider in society. "But I haven't seen it"

Perhaps you are not the one being harassed and the folks who are
haven't told you about their experiences.

I have not been to as many meetings as you but I have never seen any
incident, even in the slightest, where the people attending were acting
inappropriately in any sort of way.    I consider RIPE meetings
extremely safe and inclusive, so just paint me clueless as to what the
issue is.

I've been to exactly 1 ripe meeting. Ripe 77. 

Within 3 minutes of arriving, while in the queue to pick up my badge, the
guy behind me in the queue was hitting on me and making me feel
uncomfortable. 

Three.

Minutes.

Part of what we are dealing with here is the "acting inappropriately in
any sort of way". What you consider appropriate behaviour may not be the
same as what I consider appropriate. 

While in the diversity lunch, there was a disagreement between myself and
another attendee. Someone who I've been told is known for being a pain.
That interaction left me stood outside the room in tears being comforted
by one of the approved contact people. I spent the rest of the event
trying to avoid being anywhere near that individual. 

It was suggested by one speaker that people talk to those in minorities
about the harrassment we experience both at RIPE and as members of the
wider tech community. Don't, if we want to volunteer the information we
will. But for most of us, we don't want to. We don't want to have to
relive it to tell it every time.

I'm sat here at my laptop at home, watching the live stream, writing this,
in tears, as I relive the experiences.

It hurts even more when people say "I've not seen it, so it can't be
happening". It devalues our experience. It's basically gaslighting. 

I don't want to talk about this shit. I don't want to be the one who has
to go to tech conferences and do presentations on how we can make a nicer
environment for everyone. But I realise that if I don't speak up, then I'm
doing a disservice to those who come after me.

You may not have experienced it. You may not have seen it. But its there. 

Believe us. 

J
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