Shane, Please see below for a few comments in my role as a private individual contributor to this working group: I think that this version captures the comments on the list quite well and I can support this version as-is. I do think that a tiny bit of polishing could make the charter say the same thing but make it a bit smoother worded and professional looking, especially for people who read our charter but who are not directly involved in the industry as a network operator: On Wed, Nov 04, 2009 at 04:09:55AM +0100, Shane Kerr wrote:
IPv6 is the next-generation IP protocol.
I don't think there should be a '-' between 'next' and 'generation'.
The IPv6 working group exists to promote IPv6 adoption.
I used the word 'advance' instead of 'promote' in my text as I was looking for a different word than 'further' but that had a similar meaning. I don't think there is anything wrong with the word 'promote' but I have a somewhat ambivalent attitude towards 'promoters/marketers/sales people'. Is there another alternative like 'advance' that doesn't cause such associations (what about 'encourages') ?
The working group activities may be anything useful in helping people to deploy IPv6, and to manage IPv4/IPv6 co-existence.
The core of this sentence just sounds a bit unpolished: 'may be anything useful in helping people to deploy IPv6', In my earlier proposed text I replaced that with: 'cover anything that facilitates the deployment of IPv6' making it 'The working group activities cover anything that facilitates the deployment of IPv6,' I am sure that there are many other options. Another one could be: The working group discusses all topics that stimulate the deployment of IPv6 and that support the co-existence of IPv6 and IPv4. The current sentence just doesn't read that well. In addition, as written,
* Sharing deployment experiences * Discussing operational issues
are not the same but end up being the same thing in practise. I would prefer a bit stronger wording than just 'discuss' to support Geert Jan's case and to encourage ourselves to actually do something about a problem instead of just discussing it.
The working group will co-operate within the networking industry and
I prefer the spelling for cooperate without a '-' (just like the 'cooperation working group' spells the word ;-)). Note that the list of comments sounds quite long since I tried to give a few alternatives but that most issues brought up are fairly straightforward to fix. I hope this helps, David Kessens ---